dear ain,

2010-02-25T03:06:00.000+08:00

moved to:

www.littletinytweenythings.blogspot.com

thinking about you.

2009-11-28T03:46:00.001+08:00

i miss you.i miss you so bad.

and i swear it's true.

love.

2009-11-05T00:04:00.001+08:00

eventhough i bid you goodbye,to me this world is just for you.

i can't breath your love again.

2009-11-03T15:14:00.003+08:00

school has started for about 3weeks already.
new modules.its even more difficult than the previous semester.
i merely survived last semester,i definately need to buck up.
but i cant.
my mind is not on the right track.
i am lost.
i don't know what to do but being happy for him.

i promise,
to give you your life.
to give you your happiness.
to give you your freedom.
to be happy for you.
but i can't let you go.
i can't stop loving you.
you can't make me hate you.
no matter how hard you try.

i really can't see you with another girl.
friends yes,but nothing special.
really,i cant!
because it was me all along.
but what can i do?
the more i fight back,the more you will push me away.
people advise me to forget about you and move on.
but i can't.
call me stupid,call me a fool.
even i agree with them.

i got jealous.
i got paranoid.
i got no confidence.
imagination run wild.
nevertherless,
but you ae worth my wait.
i will wait for you even if it takes months and years.
you don't have to make me hate you so that i can forget about you and move on.
so that you wont hurt me by leaing for someone else.
you know i cant get over you.
with a heavy heart,i'm stepping back.
letting you lead your life happily.
im still happy that we can still be friends.
but i just want you to know,
i love you.alot.
i will be at the back,watching.
praying for you every night and day.
and i want you to know,i will always be waiting for you.
because one day,we will get back together.
u told me before.
some things are worth the wait.
and you are worth my patience.

for once,im going to call you my friend.
call me if there's anything.
meet me if you need help.
and lets hang out soon.
be happy with you life.
and enjoy yourself.
i will be happy if you are.
and i know you gonna be ok.

ps:u still owe me a present.
:)

happy birthday,ain!

2009-11-02T22:13:00.003+08:00

i turned 18 yesterday.
however,nothing much happen.
this year's birthday is so different from my previous one.
i cried on my birthday.
at the strike of 12.
so did he.
i felt so empty and alone eventhough friends wishes me.

didn't even celebrate.
do you call going to the doctor on my birthday morning a celebration?
but atleast i went out with him.
did spend time with him.
atleast one of my wish come true.
to spend my day with him.
but the other wish,
no one nor anything can make that wish come true.
if only...
lots of things happened on that day.
lots of things were said on that day.
from town to vivo,
just to please two people.
but not me.
hais....

there's lots of things going through my mind.
but none i can express it in words.

you cant make me hate you.you cant make me stop loving you.
my love for you is too deep and strong that i cant seem to let go.
i don't know why must you make me hate you.
so that you wont have to choose?
so that you wont feel bad and move on?
i don't know.
you told me we will last,but why not now?
you told me,you will have a relationship because she wants it.
but do you think it's fair for me,her and you?
im breaking down.
im falling apart.
im lost.
i don't know what else to do anymore.
i cried almost every night to sleep.
my health is affected.
i told you to be happy with someone new,
but i cant.
its killing me inside.slowly.
i really don't know what else to do.
if only i could speed up time..
and spend my life together with you,
just like how we plan.

xoxo,ain

second chance?

2009-10-14T01:21:00.007+08:00

Sitting by the river

Dreaming through my reflection

I wonder what has happened

What has caused this distance

We used to be together

Cuddling close to each other

What came between our beautiful love? I don’t know, though I wish to

I can see you now, not alone

You’re holding a hand, that’s not mine

Where am I? Why not next to you?

Why am I away? I don’t understand

You’re smiling to the fullest

I am not the one making you happy

You are glancing at someone else

Why is it not me?

Seeing you after such a long time…My heart sighs again

Some thing inside me growls loud

Cause now your hand runs through her hair

I stand some distance well away

But the surroundings disappear

When I look at you, I feel lost inside

I wish you back, my angel

There you are, holding her hand

And I am lost, trying to understand…

I want you back, I really do

Just to hold your hand

And walk with you

you were always there for me

always by my side

I guess I couldn't see

without you I just can't abide

those times I loved the most

were just talking with you

who would've known

now I'm all alone

and all I can do is think of you

I loved it when you held me

all safe and warm

I felt no harm could touch me

in your strong protecting arms

but then I messed up

I really don't know why

with you I broke up

and now I am sorry

all I want, is a second chance

I understand that's not easy to do

even if you won't give me a glance

All I want you to know,

I'll always love you

xoxo,ain.

ps. i have been listening to this song, don't let it end-stynx.

over and over again.

i need you,boo.

2009-10-08T06:00:00.005+08:00

i had another sleepless night.
tossing and turning on my bed.
i dont know why,
but i got insecured when i heard you going out to study with another girl.
i dont know why,
i got jealous when you said you love another girl.
eventhough you dont mean it.
if its not true,why must you publish it till now?
its been days already.
i tried hiding my feelings,
but i couldnt help it.
i know i shouldnt feel this way
and be really happy for you.
i must try harder,
to act as i dont care.
and even harder,
to avoid you.
but i'm just a lovefool,
who keep coming back to you.
i cant erase you from my mind.
i cant delete you from my heart.
i told myself over and over again,
not to contact you.
but i couldnt bring myself to it.
i couldnt let go.
couldnt let go of you.
couldnt let go of our history.
couldnt let go of what we built.
lots of things been happening.
lots of things are bothering me.
i need you by my side,
so that i can stand strong.
i need you by my side,
so that i can cry on your shoulders.
i need you by my side,
so that i can seek advise from you.
i need you by my side,
so that you could hug me tightly
and whisper to my ears that everything is going to be ok.

you misunderstood me alot.
people around me dont hate you.
they just protect me from getting hurt again.
but i know,
that it wont happen again.
but right now,
everything is going the exact opposite way of what we planned.
thats why i couldnt tell them about you.
but after that day,
it was so magical.
i knew i have to tell them the truth.
but i couldnt do it anymore,
because you took it wrongly.
im sorry.
really i am.
i never hate you,
they never hate you.

i pray.
i hope.
i wish.
that you will be by my side again.
maybe not now,
but never say never.
because i know,
deep down in my heart,
we are meant to be together.
as you once told me,
only death do us apart.

you don't know.

2009-10-08T01:09:00.003+08:00

hurt my both feet just now.
after walking,even for a short distance felt like years.
even in this condition,u left me.
without a word.
then you text me saying,that's our last meeting.

when we spend time together,
it seems like you are avoiding all my questions.
guilt written all over you face?
why cant you tell me about your life.
but you really want to know about mine.

do you know how hurt am i when i wrote that long long msg for u?
i was crying in the train yet u did not reply.
after walking that felt like years,i was so in pain.
i thought my feet fell off.
do u know you know how much i wanted you to be there?
to hold on tightly to.
do you know that i magine you and me in the bus all the time?
all the time during my journey home.
do you know how much i want to hug you?
when i told my mom about the $100?
you dont know right?
where were you?

without you.

2009-10-07T03:22:00.004+08:00

im feeling helpless and lonely.
i never felt this way before.
my heads keep turning.
my tears keep rolling.
i keep helping others,listening to them,giving them advice.
but what about me?
all the pain i suffered alone.
without the world knowing.
i put up a strong mask,but im running out of them.
evey night i cried to myself till i fell asleep.
no one knows what im going through.
no one know how much it hurts.
few people came out to me and asked.
but i keep pushing everyone away,and put up my own wall.
a world of my own.
zillions things on my mind,but the person i love the most is not here.
he's busy with his own life.
what have i do wrong in this world to be in this state.
maybe i lied a couple of times.
but is it that bad that i must receive all this shit.alone.
everyone thought im that happy,cheerful and bubbly girl.
who has everything and anything.
but no one know how much she's hurting.
i shut my window so tight so that no one can peep through it.
it's ok.because i belive one day everything's gonna be ok.

and you.
i got nothing much to say to you.
eventhough u said alot of hutful things,
"i hate you"
"you are the most irritating person i ever seen"
"with an attitude like that,who wants you"
i keep coming back to you.
i dont know why.i dont know how.
am i being stupid?
or im just a lovefool?
no matter how bad u treated me,i never told anyone.
never did i tell others your flaws.
never did i say anything bad to u or make up stories about you.
all i did was showing off how great you were,
eventhough you are not mine.
you may not know how dissapointed am i.
how hurt am i.
tears cant stop rolling.
i called you many times,
but to no available.
perhaps you are busy with her.
when i read those.
even if you said you dont mean it,i never know.

all i hope and pray is everyone will be safe,happy and healthy.
alot of people i know or heard lost their loved ones.
some admitted to the hospital.
atleast i know,im not the worse.yet.

used.

2009-10-01T18:03:00.002+08:00

you are just using me.
over and over again.
each day i got hurt deeper and deeper because of you.
now,its time not to think about you and your feelings.
but mine.
it's time fo me to forget.
forget everything.

baby.

2009-09-25T03:46:00.002+08:00

I LOVE YOU.
ONLY TIME WILL TELL

update.

2009-09-24T23:27:00.004+08:00

hello.been so long since i last post.
got my results.pretty ok.i dont have to repeat any modules.
but i know i can do better for my next sememster.so positive gitu kan:)

went to the salon a few weeks back.did my hair.
because lots of ppl been complaining about it.
ah skrg dah tak botak-botak eh.skrg dah tak banana pahit eh.
haha. only HE know what im talking about:)
diam eh..takmo nak ketawekan.

raye was gerek oi!!! ate alooot. i need gym PRONTO.
haha.kene work out babe.
dah boncet seh.hahaha.
got alot of collection.been planning to save but i dont think it gonna work for me.
haiyo.ain ain...

and lately.i've been missing him.its really complicated.
i know im just your friend but can u treat me slightly better.
u text me..half way u just leave me hanging.
u call me..few seconds later u hang up.
even im just your friend,i bet u treat others better.
all this while,i've been nothing but nice to you.
having mixed emotions.i still have feelings for you.
but looking at the way you treat me..how?
im really confused.
n u siad things change along the way.maybe u really did have a change in your heart.
all i need is time.not to be apart from you like how i wanted to last time.
but i need time to look at this situation and see whether your feeling is still there for me.

k,till here.pictures will be up soon after i uploaded the pictures from cammy to lappy:)
nites.
xoxo,ain.

CLUMSY DAY!

2009-08-31T15:48:00.000+08:00

today is CLUMSY DAY!!!
i dropped almost everything i touched or hold.
i even fell and trip over like alot of times.
i have even drop my hp which is a week old.
see lah,farhana curse me.say i will drop it very very soon.
farhana kau puas?happy?
haha.
and i feel very very bad and guilty these days.
i guess i should stop everything and be friends with a sincere heart.
at the first place,i dont even wanna do it.
but greed and materialistic took over me and my mind.
its time to start anew.
all i want is to be your friend.can?

and and,lately i've been contacting this dude.
and trust me,we are just friends.
he got way too many girls around him.
but he is....
the guy that always make me laugh and smile.
the guy that i always web-cam with every night.
the guy that show me care and concern when i got a tummyache and when a phidophile keep msging me.
the guy that care for me but denies it.
the guy that acccompany me thru the night till i feel asleep after the 'moaning' incident.
yes you.
btw,i've listened to the song you gave me.awwww...u so sweet can? :)

and buke in 3rs time.maybe i should have a short nap.
oh yah..i need to have a bathe.havent bath since i woke up till now.
time check:4.00pm
i know i know..you guys will say i stink.but not really though.
infact i smell pretty good.haha

and my plans for the day was cancelled.
was planning to go back to sec sch.
but nah..woke up late.and too lazy to go.
instead,i watched movies.
.
.
.
.
.

got phone call from grandma.buke-ing there.more good food:) yummy!!
mummy has been loving the past few days.
yesterday,buke at aunt house.today buke at grandma house.
so she doesn't have to cook.hah!
been planning with my mom to go there just on time for buke.so when we reached,can eat already!
haha.
and i get to meet my baby cousin!!
he super super cute i tell you.
and the other day he was sick,and vomitted all over me. yes..all over me.
but i still love him though.
wah..am i sweet or what!
kk,enough.ain stop!

i think i will stop here.
update soon.
loye ya'll.
xoxo,ain.

ps.blogger is such an ass.need to change to lj or wordexpress.

at last.

2009-08-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

FINALLY EXAM'S OVER!!
time to party n berjoget.haha.
n whats up with blogger man!all the buttons rosak2.
maybe i will just shut down my blog or use lj or wordexpress!
stupid blogger!

till here,
xoxo,ain.

you.

2009-08-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

if you still have doubts about us.still thinking and wondering whether you should stay single.then stay single.because i don't want history to repeat itself.and there's still an unsure feeling in your heart for us,then forget about the past.don't be with me because of sympathy or u didnt want to let go of the past.because one day we will both forget about this.

mixed emotions.

2009-08-12T21:14:00.003+08:00

Monday:went out with secondry school friends.celebrated rahul and yuanbin birthday.so many people back off last minute because they are all busy.bagos uh korang.went to eat at soeul garden.i share my steamboat thingy with 3guys.they eat aloooot sia.took like crazy lots of photos:) i like! then walked to esplanade.got gig.plain sunset! they very good can.i just stood at the side.came late.only got to hear their last two songs-.- i know right...... then home sweet home.

Tuesday:school.finished early.so decided to go town which i totally regret.should have stick my ass in school's library or at home to do my schoolwork.

Wednesday:school.yet again.....bored. but end early because no practical! so stayed at school's library to do some revision.which turned out quite fruitful.finally i know how to do branch current analysis and mesh analysis:)

currently feeling very shagged and drained due to all the assignments.and they all due on this week.i keep procastinate till the very last mintue.now starting to regret.exams like in a few days time.i seriously need to buck up.like for real! exams coming near and i still havent start my revision.gonna spend my study leave wisely.hopefully. im also feeling depressed.thanks to that someone or should i say random stranger.i dont wish to elaborate more.

frankly,i miss you,boy. yes you! do i get another chance to going out with you again?

thats all.
off to do my work.
xoxo,ain.

stress.

2009-08-07T12:00:00.004+08:00

alot of pending assignments need to be done by this week.millions of web-tutorials.just found out that written tutorials need to be submitted and make up 15% of my total score.suddenly LcL exsist.ergh!! i hate school.period.

despite all that,friends make my world go round.

off to do web-tutorials~

xoxo,ain.

back then.

2009-08-06T10:41:00.004+08:00

old old pic.

i was so happy back then. why cant i be happy right now?

xoxo,ain.

heart-wrenching.

2009-08-03T22:14:00.001+08:00

"sape nak perangai macam you" keep playing in mind.

move on.

2009-08-02T21:03:00.001+08:00

When i called you last night,i thought i could give you a second chance and get back together with you.but after hearing you said you really have move on and we could never get back together,that is when it hit me hard.Now i have to completely 100% forget about you.i cant look back anymore.after hearing those harsh words from your mouth,which i dont expect anything like that from you really hurt me. Finally i found the key to my heart and unlock it,letting you go and setting you free.i have to give up that special place in my heart because i cant place you in them anymore.i wont remember a thing about what we had and shared as i will treat it as a dream that wont last.

update.

2009-07-23T12:31:00.006+08:00

Finally CATS is over! ergh~i hate that module.because my group member suck big time except for ethel.we got closer bcoz of CATS.been sharing stuff with each other and we did most of the work and i dont think we gonna score well.but oh well~and im proud of the burger that i paint and assemble them.i suck in art FYI.

and finally i watched harry porter.with this one idiot! haha. had a good time:) can i stay like that always.

back to reality..exam is coming in a few weeks time.need lots of catching up to do.tutorials and web-tutorials and revision. sheesh~ so many things..so little time.

and to you.yes you! stop playing games with me.a**hole.

till here.update soon.

xoxo,ain.

the end.

2009-07-16T13:10:00.002+08:00

its a brand new day.a new start,a fresh start.like i promised,i wont be blogging abt him anymore.it all end.

xoxo,ain.

can i have a bottle of strength right now?

2009-07-15T13:12:00.003+08:00

after so long,we are finally over.its officially over.eventhough he text me several times,im trying my best to avoid all of them.i have mixed emotions right now.i dont know what to do.should i hang on and continue arguing or should i just let go.its 1year6months to be thrown away just like that.deep down in my heart,theres always a special place in my heart for him.im so lost right now that i dont even know what to do.all i want is stay in my room and cry all night.i feel like screaming my heart out right now.maybe God want us to be this way.He will know what is best for me.and the hardest part is to smile infront of everyone and act like nothing ever happen.i need strength right now to help me go through all this.

xoxo,ain.

goodbye.

2009-07-15T01:52:00.002+08:00

i told you,im very unlucky on th 5,15 or 25 of a month. currently,i got no one right now by my side.we are just not the same like we used to.i will treasure evrything but we both know we have to move on to be successful in the future.i wish you all the best.good luck in everything.make ppl around you proud.and i know u too well,that we are over after this.but lets just remain friends. always thinking of you.much love.

xoxo,ain.

freaking piss off

2009-07-08T00:45:00.001+08:00

im so freaking mad and pissed because of M.so does rasheed.god!i cant believe he said that! it was such a long story like 1year back and he still go around bragging about hismelf like he's a big fcuk and talking shit about me.at the same time,its effecting baby in a way.he is so sad when he hear that his friends know about it.and M was supposed to be his close friend did that to him behind his back.that's really screw up! and u say that im used to be yours,what about you? remember your past?your ex used to like baby but in the end she chose you coz baby dont want her.u still got the cheeck to say that about us.so check yourself first before you talk shit about others.and for god sake,im not even yours to start.im not even your gf.we are not even dating and i didnt even touch you so wad make you think im your "bekas"?and baby is being nice not to talk about it to others coz he doesnt want to embarass you and u still did that to him. everyone we know talk about us behind our back and act as if we are their friends when in actual fact they are not! bunch of fake posers!!! and M,dont you have any better things to do?do you have a life?why waste your time and energy going around with a story that never happen and spread it to everyone?why not u send all those energy to your studies or your girlfriend.me and baby dont need any attention from you.and M,do you think by saying all that,my baby will fall for it?please!he will never will because i trust him and he trust me.he believe my side of story compared to yours and he's even on my side defending me. i dont give a shit if you say that im a bitch or watever.but wad you say about me is unacceptable.can you imagine ppl say about your girlfriend liking your friend because he is so hot but end up with you instead because she got no other choice and really really desperate to have a boyfriend.and your close friend talk shit behind your back and say you are so shameless to take her when in fact she used to be his.baby wanted to confront M but he value his friendship with that fcuking M which i 100% did not agree with.and baby has to act as if he's ok and go through all that pain and anger infront of him and his friends because all of them know about the fake story which he tells to everyone.baby want to confront him,but i stopped him.i dont want to be so kecoh2.not because im hiding the truth or afraid baby might find out what happen.im not scared or afraid coz i dun lie to baby.i feel like punching his fcuking face and beat him to death and stepped on his dead body and spit at his face.ergh!!FCUK M!!!! SCREW HIM!!!! NO LIFE!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! but when i see M, i will be the one that will confront him.when i cant take it anymore.thats when i tell him and everyone who believe his bullshit my side of story and let see what happen next you big liar!dont provoke me and baby anymore.dun make me angry coz its ugly!! even baby havent see that side of me.dun unleash that beast inside of me you M,BASTARD!!!!

im sorry if my post has alot of vulgraties which is so unlike me.but im really realy pissed off with someone.hope you guys understand. for the rest of you,goodnite.take care.xoxo,ain.

pictures.

2009-07-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

hey all. this is all the pictures that i owe from my trip. enjoy :)

thats all. lastly,i love you,rasheed.

xoxo,ain.

1yr6months

2009-07-01T09:49:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 1YEAR 6MONTHS TO US!!!

its been this long since we got together.lots of things had happen which test our love and patience towards each other and im glad that we are still strong together :) i know you are going through alot but remember your studies okie.i love you aloooot.Muacks!

xoxo,ain.

welcome home.

2009-06-23T21:07:00.001+08:00

IM HOME!!!!

more updates later.too lazy.

update.

2009-06-16T17:10:00.005+08:00

its been so long since i last post.so much has happen for the past few days. on friday,i went to snow city with family and relatives because one of my aunt can get us free ticktes.so went in there.and i dont wanna go in there again.b..i tanak gi situ lagi.so takya ajak i. its freaking cold that i thought my nose gonna fall off from my face.hands and toes were numbed eventhough i put on thick clothings and socks and gloves and even boots! but the slide was fun! didnt stay there for long.i was the first few people to leave that place.outside,drank hot chocolate to heat up my body.then had macdonalds and went to grandma hs and home sweet home.sorry,i got no pics for that day.

saturday was another fun day.went out early in the morning for breakfast with family.then bought last minute things for my brother whos going for NS on monday.and mummy bought aloot of munchees for my holiday on wednesday.so walk around jurong point.then went home.because im soo smart that i didnt bring along my purse with me.home.took my purse and off to seri hs.lepak2 there,did aloot of catching up:)also no pics.because we were so unglam at her room.so no cam-whoring.

sunday was an awesome day.spent with love.went to town.he bought for me bantal for my trip on wednesday.i told him that if im angry with him,im gonna take the pillow he bought for me and torture it.like voodoo doll.the pillow was super cute and fat like him.hahaha.then super late lunch at nasi ayam penyet.sedaaaap!! den walk around.went to haagen daz ice cream.bought 3sccops of it.so yummy! babe,i nak lagi:) then sit and chill and talk.then trained to chinese garden.walked slowly.sit under the viod deck for a while.and home sweet home. pics below.there are also pics which i took at home with Mr Cow!

Monday was a sad and touching day,mostly for brother and parents.my mom cried when she had to leave him at the camp.so what happen was woke up damn early on that day.and the best part,i sleep late before that.and bro couldnt even sleep the night before.so dad drove us to pasir ris.had breakfast at white sands.then went to the meet-up point.took a bus to the ferry terminal then took a ferry to raech the base camp.was seperated with my brother for awhile.family members were shown around the camp area.daddy said that it was so different from his time.daddy has to sleep on thin matress while brother get to sleep on king koil bed.haha.then went to the auditorium to see the guys took oath taking and lunch.the last meal we had with them before the two weeks in camp.then the guys had to stay while family members had to leave already.hugged him and bid farewell.mummy gave him aloot of advice.i just told him to take care,dont fight with anyone and have fun.errr...maybe the last part was out of point.when we walked away,me and mummy looked back to see my brother.he was so sad to see us leave.the others also were sad to see their love ones leave.i somehow can read their mind,'if only i can follow them...' if u saw their faces especially my brother,mcm kesian gitu.damn pitiful.then i imagine myself when its love turn.i will be soo sad.why must he be a sinagoprean?then he dont need to go for NS and i dont have to leave him:( so took a few pics before leaving my brother.

thats all folks! i will be leaving Singapore tommorrow.so i need to get packing.i will return on next tuesday.so dont miss me so much.

Dear rasheed,

i will be gone for about 1week.u take care of yourselves.dont forget to eat your meals.do your revision every night and sleep early.dont wake up sooo late and be late for school.i wont be there to msg you or wake u up.i promise for only this 1week.if can,i will call you or u call me every night on my mummy's hp.email me everyday so i know hows your day has been.i will miss you so much.sooo sooo sooo much.i cant bare to leave you but what other choices do i have.dont worry too much about me.we will meet up again when i return back.if i saw things that are nice,i will buy them for you.i bring along our picture,the watch u buy for me,the ring you gave me.and of course Mr Cow that i will hug so tight.he will replace you for the next 1week.i promise you,only 1week.when i return,i will hug u tightly okie.u take care of yourselve.takmo macam-macam.and behave yourselve okie.i tanak dgr pape yg tak baek when i return.i love you alot.muacks!

xoxo,ain.

time to breath.

2009-06-11T15:47:00.003+08:00

finally,

COMMAN TEST WEEK IS OVER!!!!!

time to chill.

catch up on my korea show which i have not watch for so long.

meeting up few people.

b..meet up soon.sunday k.kite beli bantal. :)

i syg u :)

seri..aku nak jmpe kau.lame tak jmpe.

and readers,i will be away from 17June to i-dunno-when.

dun miss me too much.especially asheed:(

till here.

xoxo,ain.

where are you?

2009-06-08T17:44:00.005+08:00

what you said to me yesterday really got into my head.those words were like a slap that hit me in the face.do you really mean them?every single words?the way u speak and express it tells me that you really mean those words.as if those words came straight from your heart that you have kept it for so long that i finally came out from your mouth.am i such a nuisance?am i such a burden in your life?am i really making things hard for you?am i making your life harder?never in my life i could imagine the person i love the most say those things.do you think or even give a small thought about my feelings when you say that?when i say that to you,u reply me 'what about you?as if you are that perfect?' i never say those harsh words like you did to me.never in my life i have even the slightest feeling or thoughts that you are such a burden.how could you..? i know you are angry.but do u really have to say that?the other day,you did the same thing.after hearing what you have said to me,i really feel useless.now,im feeling shitty. finally,it came out from your mouth.finally i know my place.finally i know what am i to you.i dont know you anymore.i dont recognise you anymore.sometimes i wonder wheres the old you,i try to find him but i fail.i cry every night till fall asleep.i have lost you.

comman test week,

2009-06-08T17:03:00.001+08:00

1 DOWN,3 MORE TO GO!

1st paper was bad.i cant do every question correctly.

i dun wanna fail.i dun wanna retest:(

finally,i know

2009-06-07T21:54:00.002+08:00

USELESS

web-cam session again?

2009-05-19T03:30:00.000+08:00

k,didnt update last night.lazy and tired.and baby went to hospital again.but luckily did not get admitted .i was planning to visit him if he's admitted to hospital.a you know,meet him yesterday.we web cam.and our face ask for smacking sia.he will kill me if he know i publish them.hahaha. k,my lappy batt is flat.so let the picture do the talking:)

thats all.will update soon:)

i love you,especially abdul rasheed

get well soon dear:)

im worried sick thinking about you.

i miss you.

meet up soon okie!
makan nasi ayam lagi.

xoxo,ain.

monday blues.

2009-05-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

i got monday blues again.i got S&W.i am so not a tennis player.and i got CATS after that.im always late for theclass.mind you,my tennis was held at the tennis court across the school,across the expressway.of course i need time to change and to walk from tennis court to the class.and its at block 72.damn effing far!im always last to reach there.so just now,chiong all my way there.change fast fast.walk fast fast.n mission accomplished!im not the last one:) and and and,finish school already.i know right,very early.but meeting Mr Rasheed to pass his medicine and study with him.Talking about studying,i need to study PRONTO!!i got 2 quizes coming up.one is IBME which i havent study for it yet.i thought only need to memorise the medical terms,but i am soooo wrong.its the whole of chapter 1 and 2.and i got engineering mechanics also for the whole of chapter 1,2 and 3.im okie with 1 and 2.but 3 will just kill me.i think its gonna pull my marks down like crazy.and to know that i got both test on the same day can drive me crazy.but im so looking forward to meet him this afternoon:) yay! so i will update later on at night.depends whether im free and not lazy.heh. have a good day

xoxo ain.

my love.

2009-05-18T00:30:00.001+08:00

Time check,its 12.35.i know i should be in my lala land now because i got school tomorrow morning.but no,instead im having maggi cup noodles,sitting infront of my lappy playing games that ive been hooked on for days. So Saturday ,went out with love,to town then vivo.fun!!i had fun. Bought new clothes for myself and get love his belated birthday present which i owe him last time due to short of money. First,at town.decided to meet him there straight.so i did not take the train but instead i try taking the bus.the bus ride was pretty fast.but to wait for the bus can kill me.i waited for so long that i saw 2 of my aunts!and to my surprise they are taking the same bus as me.so text baby and say BEWARE!!hahahaha.luckily they allight the next bus stop after mine.so meet him at marriot hotel.the plan was to send his watch for repair but since we were near far east,decided to go there first.bought bubble tea.weather damn hot.but baby couldnt dring because of his sickness.only plain water ok dear?straight away enter the shop that i previously chect it out.bought two tops for myself.YAY! i LOOVEE SHOPPING!!! So walked around.then went to heeren to repair baby’s watch but did not do it.so i wanted to eat at puncak.haha.walked back to far east.while walking,mummy called.she knew that im in town with baby.so i answer it.she say she’s also on the way there.i was so happy.i told her we were on the way for our dinner.perhaps we could meet and treat us.but sadly no,it never happen.my mom is with my aunt and grandma!!!ahahah.who brings grandma to orchard road.MY GRANDMA IS COOL!! FYI,my parents know about baby,but not my aunts and uncles and grandma.so walked to far east.ate wanton noodles.then train to vivo.enter river island.bought for baby polo shirt and shoes.hope u like the present i get for u. den walked for a while.bus home.in the bus,full.got seperated with baby for a while coz i really want to sit down.hahaha.den finally he got a sit.and we kept changing seats.heh. and home sweet home.on the way home,something funny and scary happen.only me and baby know

To dearest baby,my rasheed,my love,my laughter,my everything,
Im glad we got back together again.i know relationship has its ups and downs and i let you go just by looking at our downs and not the ups.im really sorry.i would never do it again.and im so happy that we got back together,stronger than before.we have not been arguing for so long.and im glad u are still the same selengeh bacen asheed i know for the past 1year4months getting to 1year5months soon.yes,its been that long we got together.my love for you has got stronger and deeper.Life is empty and meaningless without you in it.i promise you that i will be by your side through thick and thin.and i know,u are sick right now.i will be here with you going through this period of time together.and i know this year is your busy year,and i will be by your side and im trying and making time for you to be with you and help you in any other way that i could possibly help.i love you alot.and i miss you.

school.

2009-05-16T03:20:00.000+08:00

hello:)

i know,its been so long since i last post.so school was fun.NOT! who says poly life is slacking and easy?they are so wrong.one quiz after another.one tutoriol after another.one project after another.and need to revise because im way behind in my studies.i detest eltech and engineering mechanics.i just dont get it.but im starting to like engineering mechanics because i did some revision and i finally understand.but im still 2chapters behind:( and let me just skip about eltech.my brain just cant accept it.to think that i have to take physics back after leaving secondry school.ergh..oh,did i tell you,i suck in physics. ggrreeaaattt...

and and and,this is what ive been doing during my lectures.CAM-WHORE!! i got good web-camera:)

flash back to a few days back.i got cca camp.at first i wanted to join 2 cca,but looking at the situation right now,lets just stick to 1. oh,my cca is aerobics.many people laugh at it.i know,it may sound lame.but in actual fact,its not.im still suffering from cramps even after attending about 3weeks of aerobics.all the muscles that i have not been using has been stretched and it burns!! and in my whole life,i cant bend and touch my toes.finally i did it :) thanks to aerobics.and and i personally feel that i used more energy in aerobics compare to any sports i have done like tennis and some others.and and and i oh-so loovee the people in aerobics.

btw,photos not in order.

thats all.and lastly i wanna say i miss you,R.

and im glad we got back together again.

i love you.

xoxo,ain.

till here,goodbye.

2009-05-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

i really don't know what i want.should i hang on to him or should i just let go?both of us wont be happy together.i don't like the way he acts now and he don't like the way i act now.maybe the breakup is for the better of us.even if we continue this relationship,i know both of us are lying to ourselves.i once think of leaving him so that both of us could be happier,but i did not dare.im afraid if i turn back,i will effect his future.im the reason he's been studying hard now.but now,he's the one that asked for it.but how could i let go of him easily?how could i forget about him easily?we spent 1year4months of our lives together.many things were shared.many sacrifices were done.many memorioes were left and the love that we have built.how could i find another replacement of him?he,who treats me like a princess,putting me first instead of others and even his live.he,who thinks of me when he first woke up from his sleep.he,who thinks about me before he sleeps.he,who will call me every night and talk to me till i fell asleep eventhough he's really tired.he,who i can be myself be crazy infront of him.he,who i could tell him every of my thoughts and feelings honestly.he,who is always there for me when i need someone the most.he,who love me whole-heartedly.he,who showers me with care and concers.he,who is not a perfect guy that has many flaws but still the right guy for me.he,who i argue and fight but will still love each other by the end of the day.he,who i love the most.but now,there's no more of that.i did'nt hear anything from him.no phone calls or text message.and its about time for me to let go of him,so that he can lead a better life without me.he dont have to think about me first and finally has time for himself.maybe time will heal this wound.but i know that i wont forget about him because even the wound can be cured but still left a scar that stay permeanantly with me.i have to move on with my life but i wont forget him coz he's once been part of me and my life chapter. goodbye,love.i will miss you.

xoxo,ain.

engineering mechanics.

2009-04-30T09:27:00.000+08:00

in class right now.first period.still sleepy okie.so finally get to use laptop for lesson besides engineering maths.but many of us were doing our own stuff.went online and all.and im gonna have a long day ahead of me.9am-5pm.if i go to work get money already.sheeesh~ i got to go first.need to go for another lesson. will update soon.and my body sore like crazy due to aerobics.so long never exercise.

i love you.

xoxo,ain.

here without you.

2009-04-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

life seems empty without you.

i know by doing this is my greatest mistake,and im starting to regret it.but wjat can i do.he's not contacting with me.no phone calls or text message.i hear nothing from him.but i have to force myself to stay strong during public.but when night come and im alone in my room,tears starts to roll down my cheeks.he doesnt like me to control him,i let him go out with his friends,but why cant i put the picture and add my own friends to my msn.i still remember that last time,u did let me put up that pic.can we have a very understanding and mature relationship.im jealous lookin at others who totally trust each other whole heartedly that nither both of them got angry when the other add someone to his/her msn.its not that i want to get to know them better and replace him to them.i dont have any intention to do that.the reason why i ask for a time break because i want u to trust me whole heartedly.im not gonna go on dates with them.i only see them as my friends and they were a year younger than me.i know u feel insecured since i enter poly,but i know my limits.but why cant u understand and trust me.why make a big fuss about them adding me and putting up that pic?i only want u back.to understand me and fully trust me.can u do that?i got no intentions to replace them over you.but know,its all over.its all too late.i dunno whether there's still a chance between us,whether i can have you back together with me in my live.

i still love you.and i miss you alot.

xoxo,ain.

new lappy :)

2009-04-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

so i got my new laptop,like finally.actually got it since yesterday but couldnt get any internet connection coz i forgot the password for internet acess.den bring to school to install software for my course,but i freaking drop my laptop.without the casing!!!i nearly died.i almost cry,my eyes got tears.but i tahan coz got people.den skali check,tepi dah dented.told mummy abt it.but i tell her a white lie that the dented was already there and hide it from her that i drop it.coz shes gonna kill me for doing so.wait for daddy to return from worl,send me and mummy to jurong point courts to exchnge.heh.den went to singtel to get the password for my internet ascess.den go home.

skrg using my new lappy.so pretty.its pink lagi.sony vaio lagi :) im so loving the new keyboard.so nice and delicious to type on it.im so tired.got school just not,have a bad flu and i need to do my tutorials and some revision before going to bed.

till here,

xoxo ain.

tonight.

2009-04-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

current location at school.having break.so use my lappy.and im totally dissapointed.couldnt take my new lappy yesterday.niari baru bole.good things worth the wait.i should wait till tonight.balek,makan semue,depends whether my mom cook lauk tat i like but i dun think i can eat.my daddy promise tat he will return from work early to fetch me and mummy to jurong point courts to collect my new lappy.hahahaahah.so happy.its pink can.vaio lagi.everyone in class,most of them got the same lappy and they bought it from school.so i got mine not from school.but very leceh.fri need to stay back after school to install my software.i thought just send my kaptop to them and collect it later but im wrong.i need to wait there while they install it for me.and it take about 3-4hr.wah lau eh.bole balek kol 12 kene balek kol 2-3.or abit later.haiyo.so leceh.i dun wanna wait alone.

k,i need to go.will update again with my new lappy.ade lecture uh.dah lambat.

and boyfriend,i loovee you alot.

i miss you.

xoxo,ain.

first day of school.

2009-04-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

school start at 8am.but received an announcment which say report at 7.30 instead.in my entire life of going to school,i never woke up at 5.45.and i totally didint expect doing it in my poly life.i tot np iss very convinient.but hell no.it took me 1hr to reach there.and i cant be late coz if late,absent.den too many absent = expelled from school.boyfriend should totally go to np.den he will change and will nvr be late.ever again.sidetrack.back to topic,for my Sports And Wellnessaa(S&W) or i call it P.E,im use to calling it P.E.im betwen yoga and tennis.and i bet anyone reading this will never believe tat i took tennis.hahahaha.i wanted to try something new.and yoga seems boring.so i took tennis.i cant even play badminton tat well bcoz for me,the racket was heavy for me to swing.imagine me swinging a tennis racket.hahahahah.racket ke mane,aku ke mane?hahahaha.yah,so briefing.and released 1hr earlier.so gi makan.but i dun feel like eating.after that,got Creative and Applied Thinking Skills or CATS for short.me and my 2 new friends,farhanah and atiqah dengan confident nye pikir that we belong to the same CATS class since we are in the same class.so walked all the way to block 5.but atiqah starts to recall that we read wrongly coz its at block 56.took out her timetable and it stated block56.farhana's block 5 and mine the furthest block72.WTH! have to walk back.den the feeling of nervous starts kicking in.finally found the block.took the lift to level3,and i found mysely at a parking lot.couldnt find any classrooms.and unluckily im alone at that time.(back then when im in sec sch,naek lift mcm best gi2,but not,its a normal thing).so gi sane sini maseh tak jmpe.called farhanah and atiqah but they couldnt help coz thier teacher start their lesson already.so left me alone.was very panicked.oanicked like crazy.got no1 to tell me feelings and cry to,i called boyfriend.eventhough he cant help me fing my class,i feel more relaxed and secure that i got someone.so jalan2,i dunno how i figure it out.i just got that feeling.walked through the parking lot den walked in a dark alley.there it is room 03-12.wah lau eh! and im scared because im 20-25mins late.takot seh nak masok.and i nearly nak balek.but boyfriend gave me few words af courage.starting2 maseh degil but better be late than ponteng kan.so masok je uh.tell the teacher i couldnt find the class.and she say its normal on first day.2hrs later,wanted to mee farhanah and atiqah to buy textbook and pe shirt.since i was early,i queue up first coz of long queue.but surprisingly,quite fast.and i got my book yet no signs of them.then feee called and wanted to meet me.since she's at atrium,and im there.i go meet her.the book store is at atrium.but only talk about 5mins.then my frinds come.have to go.nak ambik shirt,takde size.bsok kene gi lagi.haiyo.den gi cca fiesta.i decided to join korean club.told parents about it.my mom is cool with it coz she know i like it.but dady disagree.scold me coz semue korea.mati2 nak suro org blaja ckp cine.f ade,i go already.wah lau.told him that learning mandrin is nt a cca,its a subject with exams.and i told him that should take cca that im intrested in and i will be committed to it.bla bla bla.decided just to keep quiet and let him talk.biar lah.before going home,singgah imm.buy food for family and myself.beli pat bagus but my tekak nak mkn burger king.so i buy myself a meal at BK.

Home.teros makan.smpi lupe nak txt boyfriend.while eating msg him kejap saying sorry and inform him tat im home.lapar uh b.dari pagi tak makan.pat skola tak makan.heh.den rest for awhile.tak mandi,tak cuci muke tros kuar gi jumpe boyfriend.after so long,finally i got to meet him.went to library to teach him maths.i can say that hes improving and i know that soon he will do very well:) den gi imm.agaaaaiinnn....go body shop to but lip balm.but dun be surprise if i say that its not me who buy stuff from there,its my borfriend who bought it.heh.den eat at bagus.yet again.he eat nasi.sedap! i regretted buying tom yam.lucky got boyfriend who helps me finished up my food.den gp giant to get some stuff since mummy kirim.he sent me home and i feel guilty about it.sorry k dear? :( then home sweet home. balek,mandi.den baring.penat.den Courts called and speak to my dad about my new lappy.den pass the phone to me.since i will be using the lappy,she wanted to check things with me.and i asked her when can i get it and she say TOMORROW!!!!! IM SOOOOO HAPPY.n im not that worried anymore about not having any lappy and no software.i cant wait.ouh,forget to tell u about my problem.

you see,i own a laptop.acer.for 2 years already.and bro also have his lappy but dah rosak.so used mine.sister used mine.mummy used mine.so when school starts,my lappy was not in good condition.not to say bad lah,but not in new condition.and silly me,forgot to send my lappy to school to have my softwar installed.when i chenk it,i past the due date.den the day before school stars,daddy suddenly want to get a new lappy for me.kesian lah gitu.heh:) thanks.ily. but sadly no stock that i have to wait for wed or thurs.thats where my nerves came in.im scared that lesson has already started and i got no lappy with any software.i dun mind bringing my old laptop but wats the point of having a laptop with no required software.buat penat je.so i decided not to bring.wait for my new lappy.hopefully tmr.den sent it to install my software on thurs and i can collect it at the end of the day or friday.so i got time to do some catching up.so thats my solution for my problem after listening to many people ideas.

so besok skola kol 8am.sheeesh...need to have an early nite.but i doubt i can sleep.haiyo.not use to sleeping early.and i pray and pray that i will get my lappy tommorrow.and did i tell u i bought sony VAIO pink colour.awesome!! and not forgetting i always pray that i will last ling with him and he will do well in his exams that he will be in the same school as me next year. Amin! :)

goodnite.switdreams.

i love you,abdul rasheed.

xoxo ain.

its official.

2009-04-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

i have to learn to be alone.eventhough i felt sick like hell,i cant call him and complain to him what im feeling.even when im feeling happy,i cant call him and share my joy.

its over btw him and me.i just feel like im one of his friend.walking beside him without holding his hand.all he did was doing his hair.i even held my hand out to hold his but he just walk away.i know he did not have any intention to ignore me,but he did not do anything.walked towards to the toilet,purpose langgar2 hus hand but nothing.i ven cross my arm but no reaction.am i just his another friends??

sometimes,most of the time i feel like he treat others better than me.i know he will say im not grateful and hes not good enough for me.but no one know how i feel.

seriously i took 1hr to write this short post.i just dunno what to say or how to express myself.i know this may be a small issue to go to the extend of breaking up.but no one know how i feel.even him,the closest person i have and the only one to understand me didnt even know how i feel.

let's see...

2009-04-03T20:15:00.001+08:00

Things need to be done:

*buy make-up

*do something to my hair

*save up money

*need to buy more bottoms

*need 1 black sling bag

*considering about a part time job

*meet bf

*need more exercise

*lose weight

eat less

*jog with bf then i can meet him and lose weight at the same time

*........

and the list goes on and on.

so many things need to be done,so little time

xoxo

ain.

happy birthday.

2009-03-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

First of all i want to wish my beloved boyfriend HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY.went out just now with him to catch a movie n have dinner together.actually planned to go outdoor but i predicted that it's gonna rain which it doesnt-.- watched mall cop.funny sia.bf laughed so loud lah.takle stop.eventhough he's sick and in great pain,he still meet me.planned to meet at 3.30.he did not txt me until 3 to say he cannot make it.i already siap2.so i just went out.my dad did not took off day to go johor 4 my sake and i did not follw my mom coz i told her 1week before that im going out.so i cannot just stay at home.and bf being such a sweetheart and meet me.mcm my birthday pulak.i told him if im not angry,he will not be in pain which turn out to be soo true.yet he denied.and going home time is so funny.kan asheed?hahaha.and i waited for him for so long lah.i wanted to sit coz my feet are having blisters,and in the shopping mall theres no seat provided.so i sat outside.its a place provided for smokers to smoke there.wahlau.nvr provide seat in the mall but provide a place for ppl to smoke.and i swear if i smoke i can finish 1whole box.thats how long i waited for bf.and since its his bdae,tanak marah.kasi chance.kalau tak,dah lame i marah.and i saw him walk.so slow.best eh b,dah kasi i tunggu,jalan slow2 pulak tu.and and i totally forget to take picture.we usually dont take photos for every date.but since his birthday,klah2 kite ambik lah.

nah,gambar.

message to Abdul Rasheed Bin Lailasani,

Happy 18th birthday.im glad that in your 18 years of living in this world,im part of your life chapter.i really hope that i can celebrate more upcoming birthday with you and continue being i your life.i know i sometimes,most of the times make u angry and mad and dissapointed,im really so sorry.i know these few days i get jealous and sensitive.mcm mane i tak jealous.everywhere u go,u will get attention.heh.i tak suke tau.biar mamt laen dapat,u takya.i know sometimes i make u so angry that u wanna give it up.but thank you for still being with me.when u asked me do i still love you and i said yes.u have doubt and say from my eyes,my kiss and attitude doesnt show.it hurts aloot to hear u said that.i try to hide that sadness away. know i always want yo end this relationship and did not trust you,thats y u feel as though i dun loveyou anymore.but seriously,i still love you.i also dunno why i et so sensitive and angry quickly these few days.so dun ask me why coz me myself have no reasons.i cant promise u bt i will try to be that old ain that u love.i hope ur doubts for me will be gone soon.once again,happy 18th birthday and i loovee you aloot,wholeheartedly:)

till here.

i loovee you.

xoxo,ain.

update.

2009-03-17T20:16:00.000+08:00

sorry for the lack of update coz im either busy or lazy.lots of things has been going on.family pit.settle poly stuff.KL trip over the weekend.family pit was fun!i ate aloooot.overnight for a night.and planned not to sleep failed.by 4am all were dead sleeping away.and me being so adventurous decided to sleep outdoors instead of sleeping in a tent.and guess what.bugs and insects acompany me thru the night.i kept waking up,scratching my body.and my hair.even my bro who sleeps like a pig woke up alot of times due to the insects and bugs.mu cousin also.bcoz of that,i was very tired the next day.and my body sore.my leg sore bcoz i ride the bike for only 15min.damn~i need to excercise already.and my back sore from sleeping on the ground.and i slept not on flat ground,but bumpy2 ones coz there were tree roots popping out.reached home,straight away head to my bed and sleep.i didnt even took my shower.

then,teman seri to setle her poly stuff.then she teman me to settle my poly stuff.den she need to get a present for a guy.and she asked me along coz she got no experience in getting guys for stuff.and since im attached,she need my consultation.so i told her,guys like shirts,watch,wallet.so she bought a wallet at flash and splash for $60.i recommend her that place coz thats where i bought rasheed's wallet too.and it cost more than seri's.den ate late lunch early dinner.singgah imm to get things for mummy and ome sweet home.i only need to post my letter and im done.

i just came back from KL.and i hesitated to go due to some reason.only BF know about it.haaiiissss...was not a pleasant trip i must say coz my heart was into someone else.i miss BF so much and b,please meet up soon.how come u have no holiday.i need you badly.lets watch a movie and window shop k.vivo?gosh,i love him.he's the perfect guy.eventhough he has flaws and we argued alot,he's still the guy that gonna stay by my side.loving me.ILU.MEE TOOLANG.hahahahahah.*inside joke*

so pictures.i owe u guys pic from my family bbq pit outing.enjoy:)

i love you,abdul rasheed.

xoxo,ain,

self-denial

2009-03-03T17:08:00.000+08:00

when i thought things are ok,it was absolutely wrong.what happened to us?what hapened to me?what happened to you?

blame me.

2009-02-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

finally,tat singtel person came and repair my internet acess and i can use lappy back.

however,shit happen in life and sometimes we can fix things back to where it used to be.but currently i dont think i can do that anymore.the problem was way toooooo deeeeeep fix.blame my mouth for saying things without thinking.i used a really really stong word to him that was soo strong to bring tears to his eyes.and despite millions of sorry i said could not make him forgive me and act as though nothing happen and be happy together again.but i was too mad.i hate him hangging up on me.and ke keep doing it.like yesterday night,he hang up and did not even call me back.in fact he went to sleep despite my zillions miss call.and this morning,he went out without telling me.he never did that to me.and when he called,he's angry coz i talked to my sisiter for a while.i know that his hp got problem.but he did hang up on me,not his hp fault.i heard him say pape lah and press the btton to hang up.and i got pissed and say mean hings to him.and now,he wont forgive me.he wont even listen to me.he wont even text or call me.i bet he wont even read this post.damn~ and i got no other way to talk and apologise to him.blame me for not thinking before saying anything.and i did the exact opposite thing compared to what i swear to him.may all the bad horrible terrible deadliest things happen to me.

i know im wrong.im sorry.i loovee you,abdul rasheed.

a new beginning.

2009-02-25T22:00:00.000+08:00

this post is for bf,asheed.

these past few days ive been worried and sad for bf.he was aimless and lost with no directions to go.i felt that it was really unfair as he still got the drive to tudy but was not given a chance.going for ns was his only option.and im not ready to let go of him.i know one day he still have to go,but not now.i think its time for him to concentrate on his studies and making a brught future.but not anymore.im currently feeling very happy.and realief.he's taking private 'O' and will be deferring his ns.so tat's a good news.but a bad news fof me coz i said to him that if he did not have to go to ns now,i will treat him dinner.and now...dang~so bye bye $$.hahaha.but its okie.i baek tau b..... when i end my 'O',im so clever that i threw away all my notes.and now im helping bf and im having a bad time.but lucky got seri.she still keep her notes.so im asking her to give me and i will photocopy and pass it to baby.and now,since im free all the way till end of april when poly starts,i will be helping bf with his studies.he got lots of cathing up to do.and im willing to spare my time with him.and when i help him,i get to meet him.so i will be seeing his bacen face nearly everday.best or wat??! i will make sure he will do well and enter poly.after he end his course,he have a chance to go higher nitec.but wat a waste,he's not intrested in that course.so he switched to another course but theres no vacancy left.and finally i knew wat is in his heart.he wants to be the same standard as me according to academic wise.and he thought that thats the onli way.sp he tried very hard.he pray for it.but God is neither deaf nor blind,He know his people need help and turn to Him.and maybe He doesnt set bf life journey to go to ite nitec then higher nitec den ns den poly.He show him a path,a shorter route to get to the same destination.and that is private 'O'.and its now up to bf to make full use of it,to work really really hard and be in poly with me:) now bf know how it feels to be aimless and lost when he could not get to any ite and dissapointed when he did badly for 'N'.and i hope he make full use of this and not to make the same mistake.asheed,behind every failure,there;s a sucess.u may face alot of setbacks now but the future will be bright for you.ingat tau ape i cakap ngan u k oat fone tat nite.and dun be sad anymore.im here.i will support u and i will guide u and i will help u in every way i could think of.

i loove you,abdul rasheed.

alone.

2009-02-22T13:36:00.000+08:00

Eventhough there's many people around me,i just feel that no one is here with me.i feel so lonely.LONELY.got family and boyfriend,but no one is there for me.im just a stain that they want to erase.now i then i get the picture.

stupid,

2009-02-21T20:09:00.000+08:00

today went out with family.skipped breakfast and straight away have lunch at bali thai.tot af eating at swensens or fig & olive,but they wanted to try there.very very nice.i ate alooot.when i say alot,it's really alot.so went to vivo.nothing caught my attention.my bro bought his stuff and im upset.my mom broght for my cousin who i despise a bag which i choose yet again a river island.damn.den got a $20 voucher.i told my mother i want that voucher and she said she want to giveit to me.when i took it,my bro just snatched it away from me.he straight away buy his stuff.takpt org ambik ke pe?wth lah.potong jalan.hutang $20 org bile nak bayar.and my mom is fcuking biased.she just hate me.she said so many stuff abt my bro,he dissapointed her,yet he still got money by sleeping till evening.while i helped her with aloot of work and got nothing.and buy so many good things for people who did shit to me.when i got good result for 'O',i asked her for something,1 bende haram pon takde.when i asked something for my birthday,juz forget it.will never happen.just dinner which will evntually turned out to be shit.ergh!hate it.i hate it aloooot.whatever eh.i felt inferior enough,but now i feel unimportant.whatever.i wanna sleep.stupid people.

birthday party.

2009-02-20T02:38:00.000+08:00

so ayu birthday party were held just now.was supposed to be a small gathering but i think it turned out to be quite big.damn,its exhausting.and im pissed off with my cuzzies AGAIN!can i dont elaborate on it.ergh!how colud she say tat??!!im soooooo hating her.and she act like she know korea show soooo much.we happened to watch the same show and she is only at the 2nd episode and she tell me this and that.and when i told her i watched half of it already,baru senyap.wth kan?!can i kill her?and its not bcoz of the korean show tat im mad at her,its something else.

k,watever.might as well i tell u.fyi,the person im talking abt is the same 16yrs old tat im talking abt in my previous post.so she asked me"eh.u biomed rite?u sure anot?u?in biomed?i tot u must be smart to be in tat course,atleast blow 10.and its so hard to get in lah.and u got in?wth?"and i reply"yah im in biomed.bioemedical engineering."and she said"cheey.i tot the other biomed.aiyah,many other people still can go ur course lah.next time say the fullname of ur course.dun say the short form.later ppl think u smart."and i said"since when u asked me wat course i got.",while maintaining a fake smile on my face.then she kept quiet.tu lah,aksyen sangat nak tnye wad course i got.since im the highest 'o'result holder.she's just jealous and finding way to pull me down.she asked her mom abt me,as if her mom know.then she asked her sis,she only know the biomed part so she just say biomed lah.then when my bro was eating,i came up to him,since not many ppl were there on the table.i asked him to accompany me to np for my eye check up.since my course required me not to be colour blind and he's from np also.then my bro do want.he say "wahlao.i evryday kalau bole dun wan go school,u want me to teman u to np for ur eye check up."then my mom scolded him and forced him to go since he's on his school break and he got nothing to do also.and u know my mom voice,super the loud tat averyone could hear it.and my makcik say wah need aye check up semue uh to study tat course.and so she came up to me "ur course really tat important uh?need eye check up semue?its only biomed engineering not the good one wad."then i said "yah i think so.since its more to science and i need to see the chemical colour and colour changes.u take chemistry den u shld know right."and she kept quiet.wahlao!!!! i cannot tahan my anger already.ARGH!!!!can i kill her please???

k,till here.i dun wish to continue my entry.

goodnite all.stay pretty.

i loovee you,abdul rasheed.

v'day!

2009-02-18T23:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE DAY TO EVERYONE!

so my valentine was spent with dearest bf,picnic at botanic.first,we went to kfc first.actually thought of buying takeaway and have it at our picnic.but me and bf were toooo hungry tat we cannot tahan already.so we just eat there.heh.den walk slowly to botanic gardens.surprisingly,many were there.usually we go there,there's not many people.perhaps its v'day.fyi,i always go there with bf coz there's too many memories and occasion that were held there.so we baring2,snuggle each other,talk2,camwhore abit.so many semot lah.tak suke.soon it's dark and we walked slowly,making our way out from botanic.too lazy to walked back to town,we took the bus.plan was to allight at town but lazy to tuka2 train so bus all the way to bugis then mrt home,back to chinese garden.then kene jalan lagi to my block,meet a girl tat i don't like pat bwh block.tsk!(the one wearing green). and home sweet home. by the way,did i tell u tat me and bf bumped into aloooot of people on v'day.first wany.den my bro and fren.den matin and fazlin.and unluckily,the girl pat bwh block.hahahahha.so basically my valentine was fun and its full with loovvee.

oh yah,i got a heart shape cake,picture frame with a picture of us and a pink rose!! i loove them can?and i bake for him mini pizzas and a box of chocolate:) hope he like.heeee...

and tommorrow is my sister birthday.HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYU!!!!

actually mom plan to buy for her cake then have a mini party with dad and bro.but change of plan.my makcik and cuzzies rmbr tat its her bdae tmr so they intended to come.my mom cant say no u cant come to them.so two of my makcik and famillies are coming.damn~1 of them has 4kids and the mother just cant be bothered abt them.and dont get me started to complain 1 by 1 about her kids.and my other makcik,oklah.but the anak,i very lazy to layan.they just loovee talking shit about others but w/o realising,they also did the same shit.i just dont get these kind of ppl.making and talking shit about others just to feel better abt themselves.wth! come on lah u two,u guys are freaking 16 and 23 years old.juz grow up.and the prson u talking shit is only 12.come on lah.dun tell me u guys are jealous of a 12 year old kid.i agree i dont really like her.she like to take my stuff WITHOUT permission and look at my hp WITHPUT permission,too grown up for her age.like outting on skinnies,make up and stuff.but just let her be.she just wanna try stuff.dun tell me when u both were younger,u dun huf the urge of wanting to have the same thing as someone older than u.it just pisses me off to see and hear to fully grown-up woman to be talking shit abt a younger one.lagi2 yg si 23tahun.u r too old for this.when i told my mom and bro wad i heard,they were angry too.not at the 12yrs old girl who wanted to try but the 16 and 23 yrs old who are very very very very very immature.u both say that she copy u that,copy u this,but dun u realise tat u both have the same thing as i do which i bought it first.tat really pisses me off.u dun talk shit abt someone else and also doing tat same shit.god!when i tie my hair like tat,both say"nak step mane nye pmpn jap.tak lawa pon nak buat"and 1 of them did it.infront of me some more.arent u ashamed??u tell shit abt me and u also did the same thing!where's ur brain??u both told me my skirt looks cheap and out dated.and in the end,u bought the same damn skirt from the same damn shop.u guys secretly asked my mom behind my back abt my skirt and where i got it.and the 16yrs old is always smarter than me.and she wants to be the best in everything.and when i got 14 for my 'O',she doesnt even congratulate me but she say"huuh?14 je.and u say its good enuf for you.i tot when u say its good u are like the top student or something"WTH!!this year its her turn to take the 'O',so im just waiting for ur result.and the 23yrs old thimk im soooo stupid is it?before the exam,she asked me wats my aim and i say atleast below 16 and im happy.and she said"what?below 16?u sure anot?u tat smart uh?"WTF!!and when i got my result,she asked everyon abt my result and got no guts to ask me.but no1 is sure coz my mom doesnt wanna brag and juz give a vague response to everyone.sekali she asked my mom,my mom say 14 and she go biomed.she angkat her kening and say"really uh?ur daughter ain uh?14 uh?sure anot??"she even got the guts to say stuff like tat to my mom.and my mom was like "yah!tats ain result.my daughter.why?"hahah.den she keep quiet.ambik kau ubat! if u are smarter than me,and got a fcuking good result like 9 or 10,and u wanna say tat to me,i dun mind.but u got a stinking 27 for ur 'O' and before the exam u still wanna give me advice.sudah!might as well i listen to my bro who got 16"lek je ain."and with ur 27,u huf to go to ite but bcoz of MY dad,he appeal for u and u got into a tak laku course at sp.ok!so be grateful.daamn!ergh!!!there's still many things tat u both have done and i done utter a word to u or any1 else coz i dun wan u both to be ashamed.but to think tat u both are doing tat to a small girl,it tempts me even more to tell the whole wide world about u two. see,i told u not to let me get started.i shld just stop coz i see no reason to be venting my anger to my lappy keyboard.i shld vent my anger to those two immature idiots!

lets forget abt the negative things. picture-time.

i loovee you,abdul rasheed.

catching up.

2009-02-09T15:31:00.000+08:00

hey hey.so valentine is in a week time.there is a slight possibilities that me and bf gonna celebrate it a day later coz he got soccer and all.but it doesnt dampened our mood to celebrate it.picnic at botanic.so he gonna bring air and nasi.i bring mat and food too.basically light tidbits.and i wan a bouquet of roses yg jual pat mini toons.the pink one.its not real rose so it wont die and be a waste of money.and since it wont die,it will symbolises an undying love,the love that wont die off.eh sweet ke pe mummy?hahahaha.*inside joke* yah k,watever.me and bf promises each other not to get present for one another coz short of money.

since so long never update,i forgot wat happened last few days.but one thing i rmbr,i've been talking alot with seri on the fone.catching up stories and also the korean drama that we both are crazy for.HANA YORI DANGO/BOYS OVER FLOWERS.its korean version.best oi! she plan to meet up.soon ok seri dear?she busy working lah.tsk!

and and and,i was on newspaper.to be exact,saturday berita harian pag 24.hahaha.malu oi.my makcik2 semue kecoh,msg2 me saying wah dah popular seh and stuff.hahahah.its abt my malay teacher.bcoz of her,we got best malay results for 'O'.and shes a singer.so she implies music to the way she teached us.and lagi die ade buat album baru,so that day my malay class went out for dinner and we bought her cd.oklah her voice.

and saturday,went out with bf.beginning,its an akward date.arguing alot.then time nak balek,pat mrt jugak,i tell him wats wrong,my feelings and thoughts and opinion.and i was very very honest with him that somehow i dissapoint him.i shld have told him pat boat quat area but no,i got no guts to spit it out.and i choose to tell him pat mrt.wrong move ain.

its not that i give up on us or have another guy in my mind.but i feel like giving everything up and give u space as we fight too much.whenever we fight i thought ur love for me were lessend but u prove me wrong.in fact,u want to settle down with me.im very sorry for evrything.i still love you but i just got sick and tired of arguing with you as i know how it will affect us.and i dont want us to end up like that but u didnt even think abt it.im wrong.and im sorry for everything.evrytime we fight,u say im in the wrong.u want to stop it but i just wont stop.but honestly i thought u were in the wrong and i dont want to give in and say sorry.and i cant accept it that u keep saying im in the wrong every single time.i just cant take it anymore.thats y i felt like that.but now i realise im being way too selfish.when i think im not in the wrong,actually i am.im very sorry asheed:(

i loove you,abdul rasheed.

NP!

2009-02-03T22:48:00.001+08:00

at long last,i've updated my blog.so currently im posted to biomedical engineering at ngee ann poly.not my 1st choice though.but ok lah.as long the course i got is under my choices,im happy.so school starts in another 2months.nak carik keje,too late.who want seh.but i stayed at home way too much.been going out and spending my money.skrg dah kering.but im expecting my mom to give my monney soon.and my money from bro which he owe me.smpi skrg tak bayar.i doubt he gonna pay.so im not depending on that money that much.i need money for valentines day.

and talking about valentines day.im so excited for it.i action2 say to bf that no one has asked me for a date yet in that day.den he sengaje act like he dunno any nuts.bacen!heh.so eventually he asked me out.got no plans for our date.due2 takde duit.cannot afford present or posh dinner.im planning for a picnic.it will be fun.somehow we will make it fun.afterall babyrash is my happy pill:) so 'll bring mat and food.asheed bring food and drinks.ok lah.fair pe.i still remember my first va,entine with him.so touched yet fun at the same time.sitting by the river.exchanging gifts.ate dinner.we were so happy.but im extra happy right now.coz last year,we were not girlfriend boyfriend.skrg we are soulmates:)

k,till here.nites:)
cherrios.

i love you,abdul rasheed.

results.

2009-01-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

'O' LEVEL RESULTS OUT

i am so happy with it.i didint expect it.im so scared that my answers were wrong and i scored 20+.i even have a nightmare that i retain,which is worse.

I GOT 14 FOR L1R4

sungguh tak sangke.my parents are so proud of me.even my brother.im always the kid that is slow in learning.i take way longer time to understand simple things.my brain works slower compared to my bother.then sekali ni result.hah!ambek kau! i prove them wrong.i kick my bro ass.by 2 points.but still.skrg part nak pilih course..tsk!ni yang leceh.im very the fickle-minded.heh.

k,dah bis part happy.im verry angry ok.i currently cant use my hp.tskkkk!!!!!!i need hp very badly u know.i can receive calls and text but i cant reply them or call.so wats the point of receiving text messages when i cant reply them.buat hati lagi saket je.the reason asl takle pki hp coz dah kene block.the person say tak byr ut my mom say da byr last month.sekarang baru mid-month.merepek uh tu m1.tsk.mcm nak sue uh tu service.

k,till here.rase2 mcm nak change layout blog uh.hhahaa.

i loovee u,especially abdul rasheed.

freaking out.

2009-01-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

wasup wassup.its been so long since i update.so yesterday went out with parents to jurong point and imm to buy my cuzz birthday present.coz niari die ade birthday party.bought for her a bag.ade 50% sale.apelagi.kebas uh!skali dah bayar semue,cashier lupe nak remove sensor die.so tgh nak bukak kan,pecah.so my mom took the bag that i aim which cost $69.90 and the person that work there felt guilty that they damaged the bag so he sold the bag that i want which cost $69.90 to $18.80.wtf lah gang!!sape tak binggit.

k,so balek i camwhore like crazy.hahahahah.

alamak,i got to go uh.kene siap2 already.to birthday party.and tomorrow is THE day that will determine my future.damn~ must it come so early. update soon.

i loove you,especially abdul rasheed.

2009!

2009-01-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

its finally new year.and its me and bf 1 year anniversary.2008 has been great.its full with ups and downs.and those moment has taught me to be better person.and 2008 was also a year i spend with abdul rasheed.1year ago we were strangers.and fate brought us together.and we have been sharing our love since then.it was more to love before we even met.he got my number.messaging each other.talking on phone.accompany him work.and we have not even meet each other yet.then he was working when i was there.bumped into each other.our first time knowing seeing each other.nothing much were spoken but our eyes met.thats when i realise he's the one.went out on our first date,when we had our first kiss.and it was real.the feeling was real and we had great chemistry.we talked about everything and anything without keeping any secrets.telling each other our darkest deepest secret and accepting each other past.and i know he's the love of my life.2nd date,he already asked me to be his girlfriend.but i said no becaue i used him but i think its way too fast.i still want to get to know him a little bit better.so that both ous did not regret put decision.day afte day,when i got to know him better,i realise that he's the one im looking for.the one i dreamed of.the perfect one.maybe he did not meet some of my expectations,but to me he is perfect.with a good heart,good-looking and a nice body.he dont have to be a pretty-boy like how i wanted,but the more i know him,the more i realise all that did not matter anymore.all i know is i love a guy name abul rasheed.and i love him for who he is and what he have.and when the clock strikes 12midnight,i could not believe it.its been a year since we got together.and a new year to share with him.spending our lives together.and i hope that we have another splendid year.all our memories in 2008 will always i bring along through my life.as those moments taught me to be a better person.i loovee you.

and talking about 2009,my results are coming soon.OMG!its so near that i can feel its presence.im freaking out right now.bf and mom has been reminding me about THE day.i can die.can i don't get my recults.and life remains here.me neither working nor schooling,just spending my days away.damn.life's unfair sometimes.sheesh~

i got lot to say but i just cant remember them.hahaha.k,so let me just upload some pics i had for our 1year ani.

HAPPY 1YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

'come b.gigit i.sedap tau!'

I LOOVE U LAH.

BEST PICTURE OF THE DAY

ASHEED CAM-WHORE.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

SAYANG SANGAT OI

ASHEED KUSHUK MENYANYI

that's all lah gang.dah penat.goodnite.

i love u,abdul rasheed.

its a blast!

2008-12-30T10:35:00.000+08:00

once again,im at work.sneaking arnd just to use the com.today is my last day of work.im still hoping that they need help arnd the office so i can work here again.im so used to the environment.waking up every morning,trained all the way to farrer park.eat indian food like nearly every day.and today it come to an end.im so gonna miss this place.damn~

k,stop it with the sedih part.yesterday was a blast.it was just another simple date with bf.but i had a great time.and i think asheed has too.tak gado2.tak mara2.tak majok2.wohoo.first2 plan he nak fetch me from work.den standard die lmbt.do meet at dhoby ghaut.k,i was late.i sengaje.haahhaahaaaa.so went to vivo.look see look see.went to esprit coz i like dis one top.den takde.wahalaueh!den go to other shops.setiap kali masok kedai,mesti bumped into bf frens.and its the same person.hah!k,bought a top at forever 21.den makan pat burger king.asheed malu2 meow meow.die ckp die tanak mkn lah,dah kenyang lah.but i dont care.i juz treat him a meal.sweet nye aku oi.k.mkn oat rooftop.so windy2.ade bnyk bdk2 mepek and asheed members.hahaha.k,dah gitu,chilax pat situ.cume ade 1 star aje.sedih.den counting down to kite nye 1year.punye cepat.a few more days je.present blom beli.i juz hope asheed plan a nice surprise.mcm picnic ke.or something.cant wait cant wait cant wait!!!

k,so im stressed counting my money.sedig.lagi brape puloh je.rsk.k,need to find another job.maybe carik ngan asheed.his school also start on april.kalau tak dpt keje,nmpk sah kite due lazybums.hahahahahah.asheed,go beli newspaper!kite job-hunting.hehehe :)

till here.i need to complete my work.tsk.dah last day.boss nak blanje lunch.ape lagi,mintak mahal2 uh.heh.bye lah.

i loove you,especially abdul rasheed.

plans for x'mas.

2008-12-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

helle hello.currently working.i dont have to say anything kan.yes,i sneak to use the com.prangai toot sia ain.heh.

so tmr christmas eve.not working.yessuh!!can go out.so baby,tmr okie!and plans for christmas will be bbq pit.hope it will not rain uh.like everytime i go there for sure rain.tsk!i hope it will be fun.aku dah mcm org christian pulak.nak celebrate ni semue.hahahahaha. :)

update soon k.boss dah stare uh.mcm tau je die tu.

i loovee you,especially abdul rasheed.

working.

2008-12-22T11:41:00.000+08:00

so currently at working place.slack sia aku.actually need to do work,but i senyap2 use d com.heh.not that my house takde com,but by the time i go home dah penat.tros mandi,tros makan den watch tv,tok on fone den sleep.no time to use my lappy.k,so many things had happened.and i can only remember wat happened recently.

the other day,i cant remember which day.me and the whole family plus relative went for a short weekend trip to mersing and melacca.dont ask me where is mersing coz i also dunno where is it.k,quite fun.but been missing bf.so bought for him a little something that he always want.so sweet kan.

k k.next.yesterday,went to watch soccer singapore vs vietnam.wahlau!singapore kalah.damn pissed lah.bodoh nye blondie.he tried many many time to score but cannot.goal dah depan mate pon takle score.asheed maen lagi bagos.heh;) so angry lah.den i got seats pat tmpt fanatic.ape lagi.maki2 lah.point2 finger.and maki2 lagi.my parents even join in.hahahah.imagine mummy scold buto pat diorg.hahahahahah.so fun.but kalah.tsk!so lets wait wait for the next 2yrs.

and now me at work,kene do this job.data entry.den ade vietnam.tros naek marah seh.teingat d match ystd.hahaha.ain fanatic singapore!!

i got to go now before my boss marah.so update really soon.

i loovee you all,especially abdul rasheed.
i miss u baby.lets meet up soon ok!

busy.

2008-12-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

sorry for not updating as much.was busy with work.balek keje tros tdo.den bangon just to et,mandi and talk on fone den sleep again.tats my cycle for a few days ago.den my last weekend,i cant remember what i did.heh.

so,this weekend,im going to Malaysia.gonna miss bf like crazy.gonna miss my bed like alot.but i bring my bantal busok along.nnti malam i cannot sleep.im never gonna throw my bantal busok.even if im married.hahaha.

so gonna be back on monday.and im gonna drag going to work.first of all bcoz of 'fluffy'.i told bf abt it.it really creep me out.and i have to wake up early after a tiring weekend.suddenly i miss school.bcoz when im late or early,but mostly late.and atfer a long and tiring weekend,daddy will send me but not now.bohoo.

im signing off.be back on Monday.and i dun think i wll update tat soon.so u guys enjoy ur weekend too.and baby,gety well soon.i know u r not sick but going to b sick.so get well soon.eat more oranges coz it gives u vitamin c.and it helps ur body to prvent fm getting sick often.rst well k dear.im gonna miss u terrible alot.ur watch,picture,songs n love will accompany me along the trip.i love u.muacks!

im gonna miss u readers.i love u,especially abdul rasheed.

my fairytale turns out to be just a dream.

2008-12-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

Why are all this shits happening to me?when everything started to go fine,this happen.after so long,it ended.abruptly.why?what i have done wrong?what ever mistakes i did,u forgive me.but now...WHY?i really don't understand.when everything is going fine,it has to end.u said that lately u feel like u r not ready for a relationship.then,all this while u've been pretending when i thought u were real.when i thought those kisses were real.when i thought those hugs were real.when i thought those words were real.when i thought i found love.when i thought finally i've been treated nicely.when i thought finally i found the love of my life.when i did sins with you.when i thought i dun need anything else because i got u.when i keep thinking of u day and night.when u said that im special.those were FAKE.u are just pretending.why do u want to torture me?why do u want to make me suffer?i know i did some mistakes here and there but do i deserve this punishment?do i?do i?without u,where will i go?to confide my feelings and problems.to share my joy with.WHERE?i've got nothing else left because i just lose my everything.i had NOTHING.last time i used to be sooo rich.i had eveything.i have u.but now.i feel like a living hell.i got no aims.no directions.nothing!no matter how long i say,things will never go back to where it stop.ppl can say move on or life goes on.how do i deal with that when i want to go back to where it stop.ppl can say time will heal,when all i want is to go back in time.ppl can say there are many other fishes in the sea,when my heart is set on u and only u.when u r the love of my life.ppl can say 1day i will forget abt u,when every single thing i do reminds me of u.what do i do now?im really helpless and lost.i feel like im walking in a dark tunnel with no ray of light at the end of it.where are all your promises?where are they?do u know how much i need you?u dont know.do u know how miserable i am without u?do u know that i cant survive a day without u?and im figuring out how do i deal with tommorrow.do u know that i've been planning my future with u in it.hais.

ZOO.

2008-12-03T21:58:00.000+08:00

just came back from zoo.had so so so much fun.i dun want to say what happend at first.k,so bus to zoo.start uh kite nye hiking.cheyy,hiking ke pe?hah!eventhough half-way walking around the zoo,it started to rain.lebat pulak tu.so sat under a shelter till rain stop.lucky sekejap aje.then continue walking around.managed to see all the animals.penat oi!bf fell in love with white tiger.he said that he came to zoo just to see the white tiger.then ambik2 gmbr.den rasheed mati-mati want to watch the feeding session for the white tiger.fanatic!hahahaha.k,so walked back.best jugak uh.managed to watch two show.these monkey thingy and sealion thingy.then sit and rest at the new kids world.punye best.mcm nak join gitu:) then play at the playground.we play this boat thingy.and rasheed fell.hahahahahaha.best moment of the day.then play this small flying fox.bf cannot stop.best gitu.then eat at kfc.continue jalan2.and something bad happen when our day at zoo nearly fininsh.so we both did not talk to each other during our journey to my house.felt super super super guilty that i did not dare to talk to him.he was super super super mad that he did not want to talk to me.dah gitu,saket pulak to.head spinning.perot saket.wahlaueh!nak dekat balek,then started talking.k.me made up.then homed.home sweet home.

so picture's up!

that's all lovelies.goodnite.

and,tomorrow first day of work.so all the best to me. :)

i loovee you,especially abdul rasheed.

11months.

2008-12-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 11MONTHS!!!!

i never get a chance to say this when i wish him happy 11months in my text message.its really weird.we always send each other messages when the clock ticks 12midnight on every first day of the month.but not this month.and it saddens me more when he never wish me.but eventually he did at around 1+ in the morning.but it's ok.i should let it go and forget about it.

so i want to say this to him.
yes,its been 11months since our first date and first kiss.we have been building our relationship for 11months and still continue doing it.i never get tired of it,instead im enjoying and cherishing every minute of it.all the time and memories we share together will always i keep.i know i have not been that perfect gf u wish or dream of.i do have my flaws.and i hope you forgive me if i ever done you wrong with and without me realising them.i always make u sad,angry,want to give up and many more.i'm really really really sorry.so so so sorry.i never had any intention to hurt you in any way.thank you for putting up with me.with all my attitude.thank you for showing me love that no one has shown to me before.thank you for showering me with care and concern.thank you for always being there for me.thank you for encouraging and motivating me when i want to give up.thank you for putting me in your arms when i feel cold.thank you for your listening ears.thank you for lending me your shoulders when im feeling down.thank you for sharing everything with me.thank you for your understanding.thank you for giving me your trust.i appreciate everything you had done for me.i know sometimes i say things that shows that i dont appreciate you.im sorry.i always speak without thinking.and you have to put up with that.im so so so sorry .i know there are things that you wanted me to do but i have not done it.im sorry.im sorry for always wanting things to go my own way.im sorry for being stuborn most of the time.when you gave me that ring,thats when i realise,our love resembles that ring.just like a circle,it never had an ending.lastly.i loovee you with all my heart.till death do us apart

i miss you,babyboy.meet upsoon because i need your hug and kisses.

singapore flyer.

2008-11-30T01:45:00.000+08:00

went to singapore flyer.for the first time.and how i wish i took the ride during night time.with HIM.but sadly,no.went with family instead as auntie got 16ticktes free.so i shouldnt complain.thank you auntie.i eat alooooot today.ergh.and now im having stomach ache.wahlaueh.

i also went vivo.ade fireworks.best oi.all this years i've been watching it from the back aje.only get to see the top part(due to my height).tak klakar eh.but not today.i stand sooo infronf.i stand infront of the ship that shoot shoot the fireworks.kiasu + jakon=ME! wats the occasion?vivo celebrating her 2nd birthday.there's show but didnt watch.nak chop tempat.sat at lever1 pat luar.show level2.kiasu giler nye.only go there to see fireworks.

it's picture-time

at vivo,didnt take much pics coz batt was super low.waiting for it to die.and if finally die.

till here,goodnite lovelies.

i loovee you especially abdul rasheed.

away.

2008-11-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

wednsesday:

went swimming.from 2.30 till 7.30.and i feel like im soooo tan but no one has commented me being dark.so i guess not.and on that day,it was not as sunny.lucky.so swimming swimming,got this group of mats asking for my name.and i ignored.SUMPAH i ignore.i got asheed already so i dont need anymore man in my life. :) then bought cheesefries.tapau home.ate with mee kicap.my favourite ok!my fovourite food will be any food that has kicap in it.hahaha.that's y i like asheed to kicap me.hah!(inside joke)

then cousin slept over at my house plus im feeling super sad on that day.so i spilled it all out to him.he was so nice to hear me out,listening to me crying and consoling me.and i feel a whole lot better.thanks baby!maybe im feeling down because of my cousin slept over at my place.i dont hate her,its just that i dun really like her.i know it sounds childish and immature.but seriously,i just dun like her.she bitches about people way tooooo much.she copies everyone and say that its hers.she force me to go out with her when maybe i got plans on that day.and she likes to look down on people.maybe they are better than her and she's jealous so she had to do all that to bring that person down.and im one of them.im a victim here.when i tell rasheed this,he was like "biarlah die gitu.u sabar je" k.lucky i got someone on my side.and and and can u imagine i was sneaking around in my own house just to kol my bf.in my own house!believe it or not.bcoz my cousin was there.and she doesnt know about us and when she know...she will tell everyone and blablablabla.for sure,DRAMA! so better avoid it right?

thursday:

so my cousin was still at my place.her mother wll be coming to my place.and i got a call from seri in the morning.but i was still asleep,so mummy tell her that im still sleeping.then in the afternoon,she called me again.saying theres job interview.so if u read my previous post,u will know how bad i need money$$.so i went to the interview leaving my cousin behind.hahaha.decided to meet rasheed.purposely want to come home late.but i was so nice that i went home straight.her mom was there when im homed.soon they went home.and i can talk to bf like normal.not like retard.like how bf describe me.heh:)finally,im free.THANK GOD!

friday/today:

i loovee today.so basically me and him started with a misunderstanding.one wanted to meet today.another one wanted to meet sunday.i want to meet him today.bcoz he say he's going out with frens on saturday and he got exams on monday.and he also said that one of the days during the weekends,he got soccer practice.so i told him today lah.mane tau sunday ade bola.some more monday got exam.better be safe than sorry kan.but none of us wanted to give in.in the end rasheed decided to meet today.so went town.eat lunch.then zooooooom to botanic garden.ooohh,i just loovee that place.so many occasion that we have celebrated together over there.so had a long walk to reach there.pespiring like mad while looking for a cat name mingnou because there's sign everywhere.and that person might be rich,judging from the addres he/she stated.so i was like "b,kite carik uh ni kucing.mane tau dpt reward.org ni kaye pe.dpt duit$$ ke.wah!bole gi shopping!"and he agreed with me.we are like super money-mided.ish ish ish.terok!then reached.chilled there.talk about our future ahead.plans for next year.then,tak sanggop nak walk all the way back to town,so bussed back.see the christmas lightings.pretty:) then singgah sweet talk.then mrt home.singah kedai lagi,tu pon sempat gadoh.heh.den we made up.and homed.

so let the pics do the talking.there's some ugly shots and im not gonna upload cause rasheed gonna kill me if i do.heh.so ENJOY!

MY LOOVEE!

that's all for today.want to watch my korea show then my show online.heh.ni lah org takde keje.

goodnite lovlies.i loovee you,especially abdul rasheed. :)

the truth.

2008-11-26T03:01:00.000+08:00

went out today.with mummy and sis.went to watch kids show.only managed to catch the barney show at imm.super cute i tell u.then bus to town to watch tweenies.but we missed it.oh well~then walk walk,mummy looking for a brown bag.nothing intrest her.so bus to vivo.i saw lots of pretty stuff and want to put my hands on them.but mummy dun let me.this is why i hate window shopping.so bought birthday gift for my cousin.accesories from diva and a bag.damn!im so hating her right now.and i choose all of it.its not fair at all.then daddy fetches us home from vivo.go for dinner first.then,homed.bro just came back.he bought new fone.and i want a new fone too.jeaolusy took over me.i know i have just changed my fone,but i want new one.im gonna talk to my parents about this.heh.

rasheed couldnt call me tonight.and i receive a text from friends to go online.so i did.to discuss about an outing together.then,something happen online,and i was too afraid to tell bf wat actually happen coz i know its not goinna be good.we will surely have a fight.but i picked up my courage and text him what happen.

so if u reading this.
im really sorry if i made u angry.i did not know its gonna happen.i thought that he will not do that.i told you everything in that message.i did not even leave out anything.i did not even say whether we can be frens again.i dont want to hide anything from u.tats why i told you the truth evnthough i know u are not gonna be happy with me.and most probably be angry with me and will not talk to me.im really really truly sorry if i make u mad and angry and sad.i have no intention to do that.it just happen.i'm so so so sorry.i loovee you alot.tats y i tell you.and i know it hurts and not a good news,butu r my bf and i have to tell you.im sorry. :(

that's all for today.i don't even have the mood to edit my blog skin.im filled with guilt.its not tat i did sumtink bad,i just felt guilty coz i made bf angry.

goodnite.i love you,especially abdul rasheed.

ergh!

2008-11-24T05:04:00.001+08:00

this is the 2nd time i post for today.i changed my blog skin.and now its 5am.great...its been hours since im editting the skin.maklumlah,first timer gitu.and im still figuring out how to change the pic found at the top of the page.i tried.so so soooooooo many times.the gambar will either turn out to be too big or nothing came out at all.its so frustrating.super annoying.i should continue tommorrow then.ergh.i hate it.doing things half way.but my eyes are half shut.and i cant stop yawning.i should turn in now.

goodnite lovelies.loovee ya.

just another weekend.

2008-11-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

saturday:
busy.went to jb with family.had a tiff with parents before going out.then vent all my anger and frustrations to rasheed.poor baby.den we kiss and made up.surprisingly i had fun.parents made up with me.trying to be nice.afterall they spoil my saturday.mummy bought for me a pair of shoe.daddy bought me an food i wanted.and it's alooot.im such spoiled brat.whatever~reached spore quite late but earlier than usuals.then called him but he's asleep:( then bathed and sleep.i usually wake up late.very late.at noon or later.everyday.unlike rasheed.he always wake up early.arnd 9 or 10 on weekend.for me thats early.and normal for weekdays coz he got skool.and even if he wakes up earlier than me,he's always late for school.always.so u shld know how late can i get.and the best part,he called me.coz he fell asleep yesterday.he disturbed my beauty sleep.then talked to him for awhile.i seriously don't mind.in fact i like it.he calling me in the morning.hearing those 3words when i wake up.it just made my day.after putting down the fone,i continue my sleep.tsk tsk tsk.
talking about late,he always late whenever he meet me.when we meet at jurong,he's late.and even if we meet at yishun,he's late.even if the mrt and his hou$es is 5min walk.and that pisses me off.got this time,im so mad that i can use all the vulgarities i know to him.but of course i didnt say it lah.i dunno y i didnt say it.maybe i loove him.and i even wanted to go home.seriously,i was about to go home when he reached.and he asked me to go to him.i acted like i didnt see him.untill he come to me.ergh!i was soooooooooo mad at that day.so if you are reading this,i think u know that yes im talking about you and i hope u know wat u gonna do to improve on it.

sunday:
everyone in school were having a good time at prom.but im stucked at home.no,im stucked at gram's house.had dinner there.ok lah.good time there.and i totally did not regret not going for prom.like my frens said it was such a waste of time.better yet,some just attend to eat den caboooooot.hahah.totally waste of $57.just for entrance fee.blom masok dress,shoes,bag,hair-do and make-up.lucky i never go.yay me!

so i guess this is my weekend.im looking forward to next week.watching movie with him but dunno can or not.he's having exams soon so he need time to revise and he has zillions of project to do.he kept saying i got project like nearly everyday.oh wells,2nd or 3rd december alright dear?it's a date.

and i was looking thru my calender.i can't believe it.another 1more week is my 11months with him.and a month later is our 1year anni.one month is a short period of timi' telling you.so i desperately need job for money$$ so i can buy him a perfect 1yr anni present.its 1year anni so it got to be special.like a dinner on a boat.hugging and kissing on spore flyer.dinner in a cable car.and a ride on the luge.and i prefer dinner on a boat.aahhh,so romantic.and gosh,i never had a relationship that last this long.i'm loving it.it's been a great time with him.those moment we share.that love we have.that trust we build.i loovee him.period!

away.

2008-11-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

I'M GONE.

tired.

2008-11-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

lets start from yesterday.went out with bf.went to town to watch movie.wanted to watch hsm3 coz love havent watch it.but show dah terlepas.den decided to go 4 madagscar2.bought the wrong ticket.the show start too late.so tak jadi.lastly,we watched quantum of solace.the show was ok.got some part i did not understand.lost.(only rasheed know) while waiting for our movie,we have burger king.we had a gooood laugh over there.rasheed make horny jokes about a packet of chili sauce and fries.hahahahahaah.watched movie.then mummy asked me to singgah kedai.and rasheed taught me to lie to my mom.naughty eh..... so took a bus home.ade drama.this family fighting in public.and unfortunately i know them.embarassing.then bid farewell to bf and homed.

christmas baby.

then today,job hunting with seri.so tiring.and kene reject like i dunno how many times.but this time,their response are better.so wish me luck.asked seveal shops.im expecting a call from aldo tmr.and d rest next week.but i think springfield gif me a better offer.but i prefer aldo.their things are so nice.clubmac,oky lah.how contradicting.k,whatever.

so i went to browse my ol pics and i saw this.that day,i buke puase with bf.so much fun!

those times.

k,i got to go.nites!

new beginning.

2008-11-17T02:57:00.000+08:00

so i moved from livejournal to blogspot because i just cant remember my password for lj.so whatever.so many things had happen.finished my 'O'levels.looking for a job.turned fabulous 17.been together with him for 10months.i just cant list everything.my biggst concern is getting good results and hoping and praying for him to do wll for his exams.we have been going through a rough time but we are still standing strong.i miss him like crazy and planning to meet him.most probably on tuesday:)

i dunno whether me and him are ok.had a tiff with him.ended up not talking to each other.it's crazy.how could not talk to him.i love him so much that its super difficult to ignore him.i know i should apologise to him but i think its too late.............i think i should.he is such a forgiving person.

Dear my dearest boyfriend,

i'm so sorry fir the way i acted to you just now.i know im such a mean person just now.i never had the intention to ignore you.how could i ignore you.i just had a bad day and im venting it all on you.i know its unfair.im really really sorry.call me stupid if you want to or punish me in any way.i loovee you aloot.and it hurts to see you like this.

With love,

ain.

it's late and im still not sleepy.i think i wanna clean my room and watch dvd.heh.nites lovelies.