in class right now.first period.still sleepy okie.so finally get to use laptop for lesson besides engineering maths.but many of us were doing our own stuff.went online and all.and im gonna have a long day ahead of me.9am-5pm.if i go to work get money already.sheeesh~ i got to go first.need to go for another lesson. will update soon.and my body sore like crazy due to aerobics.so long never exercise.

i love you.

xoxo,ain.

life seems empty without you.

i know by doing this is my greatest mistake,and im starting to regret it.but wjat can i do.he's not contacting with me.no phone calls or text message.i hear nothing from him.but i have to force myself to stay strong during public.but when night come and im alone in my room,tears starts to roll down my cheeks.he doesnt like me to control him,i let him go out with his friends,but why cant i put the picture and add my own friends to my msn.i still remember that last time,u did let me put up that pic.can we have a very understanding and mature relationship.im jealous lookin at others who totally trust each other whole heartedly that nither both of them got angry when the other add someone to his/her msn.its not that i want to get to know them better and replace him to them.i dont have any intention to do that.the reason why i ask for a time break because i want u to trust me whole heartedly.im not gonna go on dates with them.i only see them as my friends and they were a year younger than me.i know u feel insecured since i enter poly,but i know my limits.but why cant u understand and trust me.why make a big fuss about them adding me and putting up that pic?i only want u back.to understand me and fully trust me.can u do that?i got no intentions to replace them over you.but know,its all over.its all too late.i dunno whether there's still a chance between us,whether i can have you back together with me in my live.

i still love you.and i miss you alot.

xoxo,ain.

so i got my new laptop,like finally.actually got it since yesterday but couldnt get any internet connection coz i forgot the password for internet acess.den bring to school to install software for my course,but i freaking drop my laptop.without the casing!!!i nearly died.i almost cry,my eyes got tears.but i tahan coz got people.den skali check,tepi dah dented.told mummy abt it.but i tell her a white lie that the dented was already there and hide it from her that i drop it.coz shes gonna kill me for doing so.wait for daddy to return from worl,send me and mummy to jurong point courts to exchnge.heh.den went to singtel to get the password for my internet ascess.den go home.

skrg using my new lappy.so pretty.its pink lagi.sony vaio lagi :) im so loving the new keyboard.so nice and delicious to type on it.im so tired.got school just not,have a bad flu and i need to do my tutorials and some revision before going to bed.

till here,

xoxo ain.

current location at school.having break.so use my lappy.and im totally dissapointed.couldnt take my new lappy yesterday.niari baru bole.good things worth the wait.i should wait till tonight.balek,makan semue,depends whether my mom cook lauk tat i like but i dun think i can eat.my daddy promise tat he will return from work early to fetch me and mummy to jurong point courts to collect my new lappy.hahahaahah.so happy.its pink can.vaio lagi.everyone in class,most of them got the same lappy and they bought it from school.so i got mine not from school.but very leceh.fri need to stay back after school to install my software.i thought just send my kaptop to them and collect it later but im wrong.i need to wait there while they install it for me.and it take about 3-4hr.wah lau eh.bole balek kol 12 kene balek kol 2-3.or abit later.haiyo.so leceh.i dun wanna wait alone.

k,i need to go.will update again with my new lappy.ade lecture uh.dah lambat.

and boyfriend,i loovee you alot.

i miss you.

xoxo,ain.

school start at 8am.but received an announcment which say report at 7.30 instead.in my entire life of going to school,i never woke up at 5.45.and i totally didint expect doing it in my poly life.i tot np iss very convinient.but hell no.it took me 1hr to reach there.and i cant be late coz if late,absent.den too many absent = expelled from school.boyfriend should totally go to np.den he will change and will nvr be late.ever again.sidetrack.back to topic,for my Sports And Wellnessaa(S&W) or i call it P.E,im use to calling it P.E.im betwen yoga and tennis.and i bet anyone reading this will never believe tat i took tennis.hahahaha.i wanted to try something new.and yoga seems boring.so i took tennis.i cant even play badminton tat well bcoz for me,the racket was heavy for me to swing.imagine me swinging a tennis racket.hahahahah.racket ke mane,aku ke mane?hahahaha.yah,so briefing.and released 1hr earlier.so gi makan.but i dun feel like eating.after that,got Creative and Applied Thinking Skills or CATS for short.me and my 2 new friends,farhanah and atiqah dengan confident nye pikir that we belong to the same CATS class since we are in the same class.so walked all the way to block 5.but atiqah starts to recall that we read wrongly coz its at block 56.took out her timetable and it stated block56.farhana's block 5 and mine the furthest block72.WTH! have to walk back.den the feeling of nervous starts kicking in.finally found the block.took the lift to level3,and i found mysely at a parking lot.couldnt find any classrooms.and unluckily im alone at that time.(back then when im in sec sch,naek lift mcm best gi2,but not,its a normal thing).so gi sane sini maseh tak jmpe.called farhanah and atiqah but they couldnt help coz thier teacher start their lesson already.so left me alone.was very panicked.oanicked like crazy.got no1 to tell me feelings and cry to,i called boyfriend.eventhough he cant help me fing my class,i feel more relaxed and secure that i got someone.so jalan2,i dunno how i figure it out.i just got that feeling.walked through the parking lot den walked in a dark alley.there it is room 03-12.wah lau eh! and im scared because im 20-25mins late.takot seh nak masok.and i nearly nak balek.but boyfriend gave me few words af courage.starting2 maseh degil but better be late than ponteng kan.so masok je uh.tell the teacher i couldnt find the class.and she say its normal on first day.2hrs later,wanted to mee farhanah and atiqah to buy textbook and pe shirt.since i was early,i queue up first coz of long queue.but surprisingly,quite fast.and i got my book yet no signs of them.then feee called and wanted to meet me.since she's at atrium,and im there.i go meet her.the book store is at atrium.but only talk about 5mins.then my frinds come.have to go.nak ambik shirt,takde size.bsok kene gi lagi.haiyo.den gi cca fiesta.i decided to join korean club.told parents about it.my mom is cool with it coz she know i like it.but dady disagree.scold me coz semue korea.mati2 nak suro org blaja ckp cine.f ade,i go already.wah lau.told him that learning mandrin is nt a cca,its a subject with exams.and i told him that should take cca that im intrested in and i will be committed to it.bla bla bla.decided just to keep quiet and let him talk.biar lah.before going home,singgah imm.buy food for family and myself.beli pat bagus but my tekak nak mkn burger king.so i buy myself a meal at BK.

Home.teros makan.smpi lupe nak txt boyfriend.while eating msg him kejap saying sorry and inform him tat im home.lapar uh b.dari pagi tak makan.pat skola tak makan.heh.den rest for awhile.tak mandi,tak cuci muke tros kuar gi jumpe boyfriend.after so long,finally i got to meet him.went to library to teach him maths.i can say that hes improving and i know that soon he will do very well:) den gi imm.agaaaaiinnn....go body shop to but lip balm.but dun be surprise if i say that its not me who buy stuff from there,its my borfriend who bought it.heh.den eat at bagus.yet again.he eat nasi.sedap! i regretted buying tom yam.lucky got boyfriend who helps me finished up my food.den gp giant to get some stuff since mummy kirim.he sent me home and i feel guilty about it.sorry k dear? :( then home sweet home. balek,mandi.den baring.penat.den Courts called and speak to my dad about my new lappy.den pass the phone to me.since i will be using the lappy,she wanted to check things with me.and i asked her when can i get it and she say TOMORROW!!!!! IM SOOOOO HAPPY.n im not that worried anymore about not having any lappy and no software.i cant wait.ouh,forget to tell u about my problem.

you see,i own a laptop.acer.for 2 years already.and bro also have his lappy but dah rosak.so used mine.sister used mine.mummy used mine.so when school starts,my lappy was not in good condition.not to say bad lah,but not in new condition.and silly me,forgot to send my lappy to school to have my softwar installed.when i chenk it,i past the due date.den the day before school stars,daddy suddenly want to get a new lappy for me.kesian lah gitu.heh:) thanks.ily. but sadly no stock that i have to wait for wed or thurs.thats where my nerves came in.im scared that lesson has already started and i got no lappy with any software.i dun mind bringing my old laptop but wats the point of having a laptop with no required software.buat penat je.so i decided not to bring.wait for my new lappy.hopefully tmr.den sent it to install my software on thurs and i can collect it at the end of the day or friday.so i got time to do some catching up.so thats my solution for my problem after listening to many people ideas.

so besok skola kol 8am.sheeesh...need to have an early nite.but i doubt i can sleep.haiyo.not use to sleeping early.and i pray and pray that i will get my lappy tommorrow.and did i tell u i bought sony VAIO pink colour.awesome!! and not forgetting i always pray that i will last ling with him and he will do well in his exams that he will be in the same school as me next year. Amin! :)

goodnite.switdreams.

i love you,abdul rasheed.

xoxo ain.

i have to learn to be alone.eventhough i felt sick like hell,i cant call him and complain to him what im feeling.even when im feeling happy,i cant call him and share my joy.

its over btw him and me.i just feel like im one of his friend.walking beside him without holding his hand.all he did was doing his hair.i even held my hand out to hold his but he just walk away.i know he did not have any intention to ignore me,but he did not do anything.walked towards to the toilet,purpose langgar2 hus hand but nothing.i ven cross my arm but no reaction.am i just his another friends??

sometimes,most of the time i feel like he treat others better than me.i know he will say im not grateful and hes not good enough for me.but no one know how i feel.

seriously i took 1hr to write this short post.i just dunno what to say or how to express myself.i know this may be a small issue to go to the extend of breaking up.but no one know how i feel.even him,the closest person i have and the only one to understand me didnt even know how i feel.

Things need to be done:

*buy make-up

*do something to my hair

*save up money

*need to buy more bottoms

*need 1 black sling bag

*considering about a part time job

*meet bf

*need more exercise

*lose weight

eat less

*jog with bf then i can meet him and lose weight at the same time

*........

and the list goes on and on.

so many things need to be done,so little time

xoxo

ain.