Date : Monday, November 2, 2009
Time : 10:13 PM
Title : happy birthday,ain!

i turned 18 yesterday.
however,nothing much happen.
this year's birthday is so different from my previous one.
i cried on my birthday.
at the strike of 12.
so did he.
i felt so empty and alone eventhough friends wishes me.

didn't even celebrate.
do you call going to the doctor on my birthday morning a celebration?
but atleast i went out with him.
did spend time with him.
atleast one of my wish come true.
to spend my day with him.
but the other wish,
no one nor anything can make that wish come true.
if only...
lots of things happened on that day.
lots of things were said on that day.
from town to vivo,
just to please two people.
but not me.
hais....

there's lots of things going through my mind.
but none i can express it in words.

you cant make me hate you.you cant make me stop loving you.
my love for you is too deep and strong that i cant seem to let go.
i don't know why must you make me hate you.
so that you wont have to choose?
so that you wont feel bad and move on?
i don't know.
you told me we will last,but why not now?
you told me,you will have a relationship because she wants it.
but do you think it's fair for me,her and you?
im breaking down.
im falling apart.
im lost.
i don't know what else to do anymore.
i cried almost every night to sleep.
my health is affected.
i told you to be happy with someone new,
but i cant.
its killing me inside.slowly.
i really don't know what else to do.
if only i could speed up time..
and spend my life together with you,
just like how we plan.


xoxo,ain