Date : Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Time : 3:22 AM
Title : without you.

im feeling helpless and lonely.
i never felt this way before.
my heads keep turning.
my tears keep rolling.
i keep helping others,listening to them,giving them advice.
but what about me?
all the pain i suffered alone.
without the world knowing.
i put up a strong mask,but im running out of them.
evey night i cried to myself till i fell asleep.
no one knows what im going through.
no one know how much it hurts.
few people came out to me and asked.
but i keep pushing everyone away,and put up my own wall.
a world of my own.
zillions things on my mind,but the person i love the most is not here.
he's busy with his own life.
what have i do wrong in this world to be in this state.
maybe i lied a couple of times.
but is it that bad that i must receive all this shit.alone.
everyone thought im that happy,cheerful and bubbly girl.
who has everything and anything.
but no one know how much she's hurting.
i shut my window so tight so that no one can peep through it.
it's ok.because i belive one day everything's gonna be ok.

and you.
i got nothing much to say to you.
eventhough u said alot of hutful things,
"i hate you"
"you are the most irritating person i ever seen"
"with an attitude like that,who wants you"
i keep coming back to you.
i dont know why.i dont know how.
am i being stupid?
or im just a lovefool?
no matter how bad u treated me,i never told anyone.
never did i tell others your flaws.
never did i say anything bad to u or make up stories about you.
all i did was showing off how great you were,
eventhough you are not mine.
you may not know how dissapointed am i.
how hurt am i.
tears cant stop rolling.
i called you many times,
but to no available.
perhaps you are busy with her.
when i read those.
even if you said you dont mean it,i never know.



all i hope and pray is everyone will be safe,happy and healthy.
alot of people i know or heard lost their loved ones.
some admitted to the hospital.
atleast i know,im not the worse.yet.